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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29129379">Between States of Motion</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilybug981/pseuds/lilybug981'>lilybug981</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anxiety, Concussions, Emetophobia, Hurt!Spock, Hurt/Comfort, Jim is mostly okay, M/M, Minor Character Death, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Survival, Tarsus IV (mentioned), like redshirts, physically</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:22:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,267</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29129379</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilybug981/pseuds/lilybug981</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The away mission instantly goes wrong because of course it does. Kirk and Spock are the only survivors after their shuttle is shot down by an unknown assailant and crash lands on Rudarbith II. The Enterprise is forced to leave orbit, and has several mysteries to solve before a rescue can be attempted.</p>
<p>Trapped with only each other to rely on, Kirk and Spock are confronted with how comfortable they’ve grown with each other over the course of their mission.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Christine Chapel/Nyota Uhura, James T. Kirk/Spock</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>67</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TW for this chapter: Blood, concussion, mild injuries, minor character death(non-explicit), emetophobia(non-graphic), allusions to PTSD and anxiety, Tarsus IV (mentioned)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     Macarons are finicky little cookies. If you make a mistake as simple as, say, not letting the batter rest long enough, you could easily end up with flat and cracked shells. Christine’s first attempt at macarons came out flat and cracked. And the second batch. The third got burned. She concluded that any further attempts at space macarons may have been futile. Was the chemistry of macarons affected by spaceship travel? Hm, yes, definitely. They were already finicky; the added complication of space must have made them just a bit too unattainable.</p>
<p>     So it was fine that Christine’s cookies wouldn’t come out right. It wasn’t the universe making a comment on anything. No, that would be...hm, even thinking the word illogical felt weird when you work with a Vulcan. Whatever. It wouldn’t make sense. Christine decided, with utmost certainty, that her inability to make some edible cookies had no bearing whatsoever on her inability to do anything useful in Sickbay at the moment. They just happened to be two coinciding events. </p>
<p>     She kicked the oven door in frustration before she sighed and walked over to the replicator, producing perfectly uniform macarons. They tasted faint and dusty.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     The away team was missing. They were meant to beam down and have themselves an uneventful survey mission where nothing should have been able to go wrong. Such missions were naturally regarded with suspicion due to their tendency to be disastrous anyway, but the crew had felt quite secure this time around. Because the away team had <em> not </em>beamed down. They’d had to take a shuttle, since the Enterprise had just been damaged on the last mission and the transporters were not working. By law of the universe, that should have satisfied the ‘something going wrong’ requirement for simple away missions. They were meant to be back online by the time the away team would need to come back, on the off chance something would go wrong with the shuttle as well. And, well, technically something did go wrong with the shuttle. It got shot. As did the Enterprise. However, unlike the Enterprise, the shuttle was irreparably damaged and became caught within the gravity of Rudarbith II. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>     No one on the Enterprise had been able to figure out who had attacked them, but based on the direction of phaser fire, it had come from somewhere around or on the planet. There were no signs of sentient life ever existing on Rudarbith II, and unfortunately there were no signs of the lives that had been sent down to the planet’s surface. The Enterprise, unable to find the source of assault, was forced to retreat. Scotty, assuming the role of Acting Captain, ordered the crew to locate their attackers as well as their missing shuttle. One week had passed without event. Christine had no way to know if any members of the away team had been injured, or even alive. If they had been injured, she could do nothing for them. She felt completely useless.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> One week prior </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     When Spock first became aware that he was coming to awareness slowly, which was quite unusual, he noted that he could not see his surroundings. He attempted to turn his head and was washed with pain, vertigo, and nausea. The subsequent attempt Spock made to control the unpleasant symptoms counterintuitively increased them. This was not an issue as long as he could still control his reactions to the discomforts, and judging by the fact that he refrained from sighing irritably, he was still capable of that. </p>
<p>     There was a warm hand on his shoulder, jostling him lightly, and Spock heard the muffled sound of his own name spoken earnestly, repeated. It took a disconcerting moment for him to match tone and timbre to Jim’s voice. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Come on, wake up. Spock.”<br/><br/></p>
<p>     Spock turned his head to the other side, towards where he heard Jim, “I am awake, Captain.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Oh. Well good. How are you feeling?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Vulcans do not feel.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Jim huffed, “I meant physically, Mr. Spock, not emotionally.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Mm. I have reason to believe I have been struck over the head.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “You don’t say.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “I do,” Spock insisted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Jim shifted and removed his hand from Spock’s shoulder, “Can you tell me your symptoms?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “I cannot see, and I am experiencing-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Damn, you’re concussed,” Jim hissed, and Spock heard the sound of a fist thumping the ground once.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Spock’s brow furrowed, “Captain, the inability to see is not, on its own, enough to diagnose a concussion.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Spock, your eyes are still closed.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Ah. That certainly was an explanation. “In that case, I concur with your judgement.” Spock blearily opened his eyes and resisted the urge to screw them shut again when light lanced sharply through his skull. He could then see Jim hovering over him, appearing concerned. He was covered in sweat and grime, and the right sleeve of his uniform had been torn off, the remainder of the fabric flapping over and exposing half his chest. </p>
<p>     Spock glanced over Jim’s body a couple times, checking for injury, and found only minor lacerations, bruises, and scattered burns. He also noticed the tricorder, communicator, and phaser Jim thankfully had with him. Checking himself, he found himself in a similar state of injury save for the dried blood congealed in his hair and trailing down the side of his head. He had a phaser and communicator on his person as well.</p>
<p>     Spock began to sit up slowly, which prompted Jim to loop an arm around his upper back in order to brace him. He tilted his head to the side as that arm slid down whilst Jim’s other hand came up to clasp his shoulder. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “I am fine, Jim,” Spock assured, and as he briefly searched around, continued, “We weren’t the only ones on the away team. Where are the others?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Jim looked away, “Right, you probably don’t remember what happened.” Jim bit his lip, and when Spock decided to follow his gaze, he saw a pillar of smoke rising over two kilometers away. A sea of red foliage from the forest which surrounded them obscured any other sign of what Spock knew must be a crash site. “They’re dead.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “It wasn’t your doing. There was no action you could have taken to save them,” Spock told him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “With all due respect, Mr. Spock, you have no way of knowing that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “I know it, Captain,” Spock insisted, and gazed at Jim until he turned back and their eyes met. The moment lingered and Spock watched as Jim’s eyes softened gradually until tension finally began to bleed out of his frame. He sighed, nodded, and squeezed Spock’s shoulder before dropping his hand away. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Suddenly, Jim chuckled, “Your pupils are so messed up right now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Spock raised an eyebrow up near his hairline before remarking dryly, “Naturally, yes. I am often confounded by what humans find amusing.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Only you could speak in full sentences, barely slurring, while badly concussed,” Jim said, faking exasperation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Spock’s other eyebrow joined the first in its expedition, “Captain, I am not slurring my words.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Jim’s eyes and nose crinkled, “You kinda are though. A bit, just a bit.” He held up his free hand, holding thumb and forefinger an inch apart. Then he schooled his expression to seriousness, and the levity they were sharing then shifted smoothly into professionalism. “Can you stand?” Jim asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Yes, I can,” Spock claimed before attempting to do so. He struggled more than he thought was reasonable, his legs slipping underneath him, but was able to gain balance with Jim’s aid. They ended up standing pressed together, half embracing, while Spock’s vision blurred in a way that was quite nauseating. The compressed fern-like growth carpeting the ground was a dark turquoise that already clashed with the bright reds and pinks on the trees. The colors bleeding together exasperated an already obnoxious problem. He swallowed thickly, and knew Jim would notice that his face was too rigidly neutral to be without effort.</p>
<p>     But Jim said nothing, for which Spock was grateful, and they simply started walking uphill entangled as they were. They walked approximately 0.3 kilometers before Spock was certain he could speak easily. Since he was unable to search their surroundings for viable shelter, only earning an even worse migraine when he attempted, he opted to obtain more info about the timeframe he was missing. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “You carried me a fair distance from the shuttle,” Spock stated, “I presume it was unsalvageable?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “Absolutely, it was honestly a rush to get out with you before the whole thing went up. The others were already dead from an explosion before the crash, but I wish I’d been able to save their bodies for a burial at least,” he paused to give his regret space to breathe, “We were shot down by some unknown enemy, but we managed to steer the shuttle towards a habitable section of the planet before we lost control. No further sign of hostility down here, at least. For now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Interesting. Our assailants likely saw where the shuttle went down, yet we’ve been left alone for a notable amount of time. Speaking of which, how long was I unconscious?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Jim glanced over, lips tight, “Nearly an hour. I was afraid you’d gone into one of those healing trances. When you started to come around, I set you on the ground and debated whether or not I should slap you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Spock nearly winced at the idea of his head being jerked around like that in his current condition, “I must admit that it was preferable that you did not.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>      “Yeah, I bet you have a terrible headache to say the least,” Jim grimaced, “Although, does the pain even, well, bother you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Vulcans find head injuries to be somewhat compromising. I am unable to achieve enough focus to section off pain or other physical effects of the concussion at this time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Oh. Shit.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Indeed. I presume you have already tried to contact the Enterprise?” Spock asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Jim nodded, waved a hand vaguely out towards space as if he could pick out where the ship was, “Yeah, you were still out cold last time I checked in. We lost contact before we even crashed and I haven’t picked up any signals since then. The Enterprise was shot at too, she took some hits and was still damaged from our last mission. They’re still up there though, I know it, so at least there’s that.” He stopped and gasped when Spock stumbled over a root, and they both tightened their grips on the other as they regained balance. Jim glanced over at Spock, eyes wide, while Spock prepared for an argument where he would insist that he was fine in the face of Jim’s inevitable overreaction. </p>
<p>     Contrary to his expectation, Jim simply sighed and continued walking as if nothing had happened, “If she’d gone down like us, or even if she blew up out there, they were close enough that we would see trails of smoke in the sky. Scotty must’ve taken her away, retreated. Once repairs have been completed, they’ll probably come back for us, but we have no way of knowing how long that’ll be.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “We should operate under the assumption that we won’t be rescued soon,” Spock suggested.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Agreed.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Jim then fell silent, contemplating. Not having anything to focus on any longer, Spock couldn’t help but slip into a dazed state. He was distantly aware of a fog descending over all his senses. When Jim spoke again, Spock clamped down on the startling realization that he had no idea how much time had passed. Jim’s voice sounded strange in a way he couldn’t quantify. Muffled and distant, yet clearly not at the same time. It did not clear up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “I don’t want to push you much, Spock, but you’re clearly cognizant enough to keep track of what’s going on. The shuttle is gone, so we need to find or build some form of shelter for ourselves soon. I’d prefer it if we were close to a water source, and the tricorder indicates there’s a river in the direction we’re heading.” Spock glanced down at the tricorder in Jim’s hand. He hadn’t noticed him using it. “We should be getting close soon. You are to rest when we get there, I’ll build the shelter. Do you understand?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Spock was comprehending Jim’s words, but he discovered that replying had become difficult. When he took too long to gather the energy necessary to speak, Jim stopped walking. As a consequence of being led by him, so did Spock, though this prompted his head to spin wildly enough that his senses told him he was still moving. Jim let the tricorder fall to his hip and cupped his hand at Spock’s jaw so he could turn Spock’s head to look at him directly. Given the level of inaccuracy in his vision, Spock deemed it unlikely that he was looking Jim in the eye.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Spock?” Jim asked gently.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     After a moment of delay, Spock replied, “Hmm?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Jim’s mouth tightened at the corners, and he licked his lips before asking, “Do you need to stop?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Stop what?” Spock wondered aloud.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Walking.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Spock’s eyes narrowed in confusion, “We have stopped walking.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Okay, fair enough,” Jim admitted, “But let’s sit down for a while.” Jim then began leading him towards the nearest tree, presumably to lean up against.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “No,” Spock said, prompting Jim to stop again, and after a couple breaths Spock continued, “You said we are almost near the river. I can keep going.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Are you sure?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Yes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Jim looked up to the sky for several moments, and as far as Spock could tell he was tracking how far Rudarbith II’s sun had moved, likely calculating how much daylight they had left. Then he nodded and declared, “Alright. We keep moving.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Jim pulled the tricorder back out and they resumed their trek to the river. Soon after, Spock decided he should allow his eyes to slip shut. The spinning and blurriness of his vision left it of little use whilst Jim was seeing for them both just fine, and it was increasing the amount of energy he had to expend to ignore his other symptoms. Therefore, it was logical to close his eyes. </p>
<p>     If Jim noticed this, he didn’t comment. They remained in silence for another stretch of time which Spock was unaware of, though he believed it was longer than the last time he had lost track. Spock gradually became aware of the sound of running water growing in volume. Jim muttered to him that they were almost there, and his voice still seemed muffled, difficult to make out. When Jim stopped it was abrupt, and Spock drooped forward a bit in Jim’s grasp before catching himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Look!” Jim nearly shouted, and Spock refrained from groaning when his head pounded in complaint, “What is that? Those are man-made.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Intrigued, Spock attempted to open his eyes, but he only saw one flash of a wide, slow moving river shining in the daylight before he felt a stabbing sensation via his eye sockets. He managed to keep his eyes open, but he was squinting and did not see what had caught his captain’s attention. </p>
<p>     However, Jim was clearly staring at something across the river, and he was pointing to it. Following the line of Jim’s gaze and finger, Spock noted that there was a steep hill on the other bank. Defying all logic, there appeared to be dilapidated, overgrown settlements atop it. An extremely fortuitous find, the luck of it outshadowed only by the unexpectedness of it. There had been no indication that Rudarbith II had ever been inhabited by sentient life. No settlements, abandoned or otherwise, had come up in their scans of the planet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Spock opened his mouth, and he meant to say, “Fascinating.” He gagged instead. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Woah,” Jim exclaimed, and clapped a hand to Spock’s chest to steady him, quite unnecessarily in Spock’s opinion, “A-are you about to puke?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     After taking a moment to deny his stomach’s request to do specifically that, Spock replied with a deliberate “No.” And if that came across as slightly irate, well, surely the situation warranted just a smidge of frustration. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Good. Don’t, if you can help it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Spock leveled a stare at Jim as best he could.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Jim grimaced, “Sorry. Here, why don’t you sit by the bank for a while? I’ll cross the river and check out those ruins, make sure they’re viable for shelter. According to the tricorder, the water’s safe to drink and there are no large or toxic lifeforms within its range. It’s safe to rest here, we’ll be able to see each other, and I’ll be back soon. Comm me if anything happens.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>     He lowered them both down to the ground and propped Spock against a tree as he said this while Spock raised an eyebrow at him incredulously. Even dazed as he’d become, he knew Jim needed a break as well. He had sweated profusely, making dehydration a certainty, and had been exerting himself to aid Spock. They were both exhausted. The sudden need to keep his captain from being illogical gave him a welcome burst of energy.</p>
<p>     Spock gripped Jim’s left forearm under the guise of keeping balance, but he refused to let go when Jim attempted to stand, forcing him into an awkward hunched position instead.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     After struggling in vain to pull his arm free several times, Jim smiled at him sweetly, “Mr. Spock?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Yes, Captain?” He replied, head tilted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Let go,” Jim ordered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Spock tilted his head in the other direction, “Let go of your arm?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “If you would, yes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Spock hummed briefly, pretended to consider the request, then declared, “I will not.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Commander,” Jim snapped.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “No,” Spock insisted, “Sit.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Jim tugged hard once more, then pulled continuously while he dug the nails of his free hand into Spock’s wrist, indenting the skin. Spock heard Jim’s thoughts, all vibrant cursing, via the contact. He didn’t budge. Jim let out a frustrated groan, then stopped, glaring heatedly at Spock.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “You are exhausted,” Spock elaborated, “You require rest.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “This is the most childish insubordination I’ve had the misfortune to witness,” Jim accused.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “I could nerve pinch you if you’d prefer,” Spock offered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Jim pinched the bridge of his nose as he knelt down to the ground. After expending all the air in his lungs for a dramatic sigh, he resumed glaring at Spock. “Let go,” he ordered again, with more bite. Spock crossed one of his legs over the other, tilted his head back against the tree trunk, closed his eyes, and pointedly did not let go of Jim’s arm.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>    “Of all the—,” he stopped to growl as well as a human could, “Spock, you can’t just ignore me. We still have plenty of daylight, but I cannot just sit around wasting time! I can keep going, I know my limits, while you’re injured and have exceeded yours due to that. And that’s not your fault! But don’t you think the head injury could affect your judgement? I’m fine! You don’t need to take care of me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     He kept going on, much in the same vein, but Spock shifted his concentration from the words to himself. Jim had forgotten not to raise his voice, and the rush of energy from moments before faded quickly. Pain and nausea assaulted him, constantly progressing as Jim kept going, and Spock struggled to maintain composure.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Jim,” he whispered, but he was unheard. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter as he concentrated. “Jim, stop,” he tried again. Spock still wasn’t loud enough. Eventually, he winced while squeezing Jim’s arm reflexively, and Jim’s voice stopped abruptly. Spock’s migraine kept spiraling, and his mouth began producing excess saliva, leading him to conclude that vomiting had unfortunately become inevitable.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Damn,” Jim whispered, “I’m sorry. Maybe you’re right about me being exhausted, I shouldn’t lose my temper like that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Jim,” Spock’s voice came out a bit croaky. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Spock felt the hand attached to Jim’s trapped arm gently grip his forearm in return, and Jim’s other hand came up to rub at the tensed muscles in one of Spock’s shoulders. “You’re gonna puke now, aren’t you,” he stated.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Mm,” Spock managed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Jim swore emphatically, “Shit. Okay. It’s okay.” Spock uncrossed his legs so he could pull them in closer to his body and to one side. He leaned forward and let his head hang while Jim braced his upper body with one arm. Spock did let go of Jim’s other arm at that point, and as a result Jim shifted and began rubbing Spock’s upper back in a circular pattern. This perplexed Spock greatly, but when he tried to question it, he merely gagged. The rubbing wasn’t bothersome anyway, so he filed his question for later. </p>
<p>     The minute and a half following that thought was deeply unpleasant, but as he finished expelling his stomach’s contents, still coughing, Spock could open his eyes again with considerably less pain. He felt his body relax, exhaustion settling in deeply, and he sat up straight. Jim promptly swiped a sleeve across Spock’s mouth before Spock could swat him away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “That is unsanitary,” Spock informed him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “You were just going to use your own sleeve instead,” Jim replied, “Come on, let’s move to a different tree.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     They stood together, Spock leaning on Jim again before he asked pointedly, “Are you going to rest there as well?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “Yes, Mr. Spock, I am,” Jim answered, “I’m sorry I made you sick over it. Literally.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Spock shook his head slightly, “I lost control.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     Jim flicked one of Spock’s ears, “Come on, be fair to yourself. You already told me Vulcans don’t do well with head injuries. You have a cracked skull and I yelled at you, it was stupid and proved you right anyway.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “You didn’t yell, Captain,” Spock corrected, “Your voice was simply elevated.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     “The point stands,” Jim insisted, then decided the tree they had neared was suitable for sitting up against. They sat and looked across the river, considered the ruins on the other side, though Spock did not do so for long. He watched Jim’s face grow indistinct and haloed by sunlight as the last of his concentration began slipping away. He was still awake when Jim sighed, then admitted, “I don’t know what I was thinking. Even if both of us were just fine, separating wouldn’t be acceptable. You know my past experiences, on Tarsus, so you could probably imagine that being stranded out here isn’t exactly my idea of shore leave. I felt compelled to keep moving, keep busy, and I let that compulsion rule me. It won’t happen again.”</p>
<p>     Spock didn’t reply, prompting Jim to turn and look at him. They were sitting close enough that their arms were brushing, so their faces ended up inches apart. Jim grinned, the small smile filling half of Spock’s vision, and he was too out of it to see the worry in Jim’s eyes, so he only noticed how pretty it was. Humans smiled often, Jim being no exception, and Spock was accustomed to that. It should not have been remarkable. </p>
<p>     And yet, not for the first time, that smile left Spock wishing he could tell Jim he was beautiful. He fell asleep with that thought still ringing.</p>
<p>     </p>
<p>
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</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Check the notes at the end for trigger warnings. There are only a couple for this chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     Jim’s eyes widened as he watched Spock’s head gradually slide forward, until gravity took hold and he thunked face first into the crook of Jim’s exposed neck. He wondered if the skin contact would bother Spock in his sleep. He hoped it was sleep. Had to be. As he licked chapped lips, Jim debated the merits of moving Spock into literally any position that wasn’t half collapsed on him, on the side where Jim’s shirt had torn away. </p><p>
  <span>     Then Spock shifted, turning his head to lay more comfortably on Jim’s shoulder, and his entire body pressed closer. A foot tucked itself under Jim’s leg as well. Satisfied that the movement was evidence of Spock being asleep, not unconscious, and absorbing the bewildering knowledge that his first officer was secretly a cuddler, Jim peered up through the foliage above him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>     The rustling and the patterns of sunlight shining through mimicked the forests of Earth. Even the vibrant shades of red could have been mistaken for the colors of fall if not for the hot and pale pinks blending in with them. The river babbled on in front of the pair, and now that they weren’t awkwardly stumbling through the forest, their surroundings came alive with the sounds of small animals. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Stuck with downtime for the first time since the shuttle had crashed many hours ago, Jim had to admit that Rudarbith II wasn’t the worst place to end up on forced shore leave. The luck of stumbling across ruins, which had registered on the tricorder similar to an ore deposit, meant that shelter was likely taken care of entirely. Jim could see the glinting of metal from across the river, which meant the structures curiously weren’t rusted through. The strange discovery was invigorating. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Water was also a nonissue thanks to the river, wood was abundant, and food would be simple to acquire between the tricorder and phasers. Daylight wasn’t even a problem. The sun barely crawled through the sky, and Jim figured they actually had a couple days worth of light left. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>     There wasn’t much to worry about, aside from Spock being injured and their absent attackers. And while that wasn’t nothing, the situation had much lower stakes than Jim was used to dealing with. He’d frankly been on more stress inducing camping trips. Still, it was difficult to shake off the tendrils of anxiety that were attempting to take hold within him. He knew why, of course. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Jim was reminded far too much of Tarsus simply by being left isolated on a planet where he would have to survive for an undetermined length of time. And until Spock recovered enough to consistently walk in a straight line, Jim would have to rely on himself for the most part. Those similarities were enough to trigger a change in his mind and he desperately wanted to lean into the patterns of behavior he’d learned in order to live through Tarsus. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>     PTSD was a bitch. The most dangerous thing was that, down on Rudarbith II, some of the thought patterns that were maladaptive in his ordinary life were suited to the situation he was in. Not all of them though, clearly, because now that he was sitting still, Jim felt raggedly exhausted. Sleep beckoned, but it would be smart of him to keep watch, so he focused on the aching in his muscles and the stinging of his many small cuts and burns. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Full alertness came over him quite suddenly when something flopped over his stomach. Jim’s eyes flicked down and took in the arm that was draped across him. Seeing it did not abate his alarm or confusion. It took him nearly fifteen seconds to recognize that it was in fact Spock’s arm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Uh,” Jim said eloquently.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>      Spock didn’t answer. Jim floundered internally while he stayed completely still. His thoughts consisted of an intense debate over whether or not he should try to move Spock’s arm. Was it more awkward to leave it there until Spock woke up, or to move him and wake him in the process? His mind struggled to compute, and before Jim was near an answer, Spock tightened his hold. Jim was being squeezed slightly, and he knew it would be much too difficult to pry Spock off without waking him. He wondered why Spock was doing it, even in sleep. Warmth? Maybe Jim was just softer than the tree? He had to be more comfortable to lean on than the tree. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Eventually Jim acknowledged that Spock was sometimes, occasionally, comfortable with touching Jim. And Jim was very fond of casual touching. He’d been delighted when, upon discussing it once they became friends, Spock had told Jim that his ‘physical displays of affection’ would not cause him discomfort. He still clearly avoided being touched by nearly anyone else, but with Jim, a little intimacy here and there was fine. Jim had suspected many times that Spock was more than a little touch starved, so he was glad to help fill that need.</span>
</p><p><span>     So, really, it wasn’t too far out of the ordinary for them. Jim began to relax again, less worried about making Spock uncomfortable, at which point he realized that had been his </span><em><span>only </span></em><span>worry</span> <span>about the situation. Which meant that Jim was fine with it. And that seemed weird, because he was the conscious one, and being fully aware while his first officer held onto him in sleep was somehow much more intimate than if they were both asleep and just happened to wake up tangled together. </span></p><p>
  <span>     He was overthinking. He should stop doing that. He was stranded on an empty, wild planet with one other person for company and should not worry over the finer points of his relationship with said person. Absolutely horrid timing on that one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Jim pulled out the communicator and attempted to contact the Enterprise, mostly to distract himself. Upon receiving no response, as expected, he pulled out the tricorder and studied the general readings coming in from his surroundings. There were a multitude of small life readings in the area, and still nothing dangerous appeared within range, but Jim set to the simple task of monitoring the data coming in. The tricorder couldn't distinguish between unidentified species all that well, but given time Jim could make general groupings. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Over the course of the next two hours, he separated the patterns of burrowing mammals and reptiles, birds, insects, and even found signs of fish in the river. Curiously, he couldn’t find any signs of land creatures living out in the open or in the trees aside from the birds. Just various species with homes buried in the ground. He did, however, discover a freshwater variety of crab, but that wasn’t surprising in the slightest. Crabs were a near constant on life bearing worlds; the only question was where they would be found. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Jim’s musings on Rudarbith II’s animal life were interrupted when Spock stirred. He didn’t wake all at once, which Jim assumed was how it normally happened, but the process wasn’t nearly as sluggish as it had been before. Jim watched Spock’s eyes flutter open and judged that it took a few seconds for him to recognize where he was. The lag made it even harder not to laugh when Spock’s eyes finally cleared, he raised a single eyebrow sky high, and slowly disentangled himself from Jim. Once he had himself sat up straight, Spock declined to say anything. Jim found himself smirking at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “So, how was the nap?” Jim asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Spock tugged at his own shirt in an apparent attempt to straighten the tattered thing. “Adequate, Captain,” he answered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Jim pouted, “Only adequate? You wound me, Mr. Spock.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “You had no effect on my rest, sir,” Spock claimed, to which Jim gasped dramatically, “However, I have recovered some of my motor skills, and I believe we may now both cross the river safely.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Jim nodded, “Good, that’s good. I expected you to still be completely off balance, honestly.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “I should be able to move without your assistance at this point.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Well that’s certainly an impressive improvement,” Jim commented as he began standing up, “What does recovery from a concussion look like for you? Without medical intervention, that is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Jim offered Spock one of his arms for stability, which Spock used to pull himself up as he explained, “The entire healing process will take at least several days, and my condition will steadily improve as the symptoms of the concussion decrease in severity.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Several days?” Jim repeated.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “At least.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “That’s quite imprecise compared to your usual judgements,” Jim pointed out while his arms hovered over Spock’s frame, making sure he was steady. His arms were knocked aside when Spock pressed his hands to his own hips, and Jim grinned when he realized the man was about to get huffy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Sure enough, Spock complained, “Apologies, Captain, but Vulcans do not retain the ability to make precise mathematical and statistical calculations when suffering a concussion. It is worth noting that, unlike a human suffering my condition, I am still in possession of most mental abilities and I can sleep without risking further complications.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Jim waved a hand in dismissal and turned to walk towards the riverbank, “I understand, I was just being a tease. In all fairness though, I do believe that was the first time you’ve spoken a full paragraph since receiving that bump to your head.” He paused at the water line, water lapping at the toes of his boots, and looked back with a smirk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Spock had followed, and indeed didn’t seem to have too much trouble staying upright, though he watched the ground in concentration. He stopped at the water line too, at Jim’s right, and shot Jim a look that totally wasn’t exasperated while he exhaled in a way that totally wasn’t a sigh. Jim’s smirk, encouraged, turned into a smile. Spock ignored this and started walking across the river.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Taking time to scoff, Jim stepped into the water as Spock had reached a point where the sluggish water was up to his knees. Jim yelped and stumbled when he realized the river was almost painfully freezing, and he subsequently slipped, ending up prematurely soaked as he fell to his hands and knees. He shuddered as he lifted himself back up, and his eyes met with Spock’s, who had stopped and turned around. He had a distinctly smug look to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “A little warning next time?” Jim grumbled without heat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Spock feigned confusion, “A warning for what, Captain?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>    “This water is very cold. Shockingly so. You, of course, didn’t react to it at all,” Jim obligingly explained as he walked deeper into the water, cringing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Of course.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “I guess we won’t be swimming in this one for leisure. I wonder why it’s so cold? It’s warm out here and the sun is shining,” Jim said, then hissed as they reached a depth where they both had to swim. He observed Spock and was thankful to see that keeping himself afloat didn’t seem to be an issue. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “The river is most likely fed by runoff or perhaps spends considerable lengths underground,” Spock theorized.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Jim shook his head, though Spock was still ahead of him, “No, I don’t think so. If either of those scenarios were the case, for the water to be this cold here, a mountain or underground section would be close enough for me to see on the tricorder set to its widest scan, even generic as that is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Peculiar,” Spock responded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “At least it’s fitting the theme here, I suppose. Rudarbith II is turning out to be quite a peculiar place. You know, I couldn’t find any evidence of non-avian terrestrial life that doesn’t spend most of its time burrowed in the dirt,” Jim shared, perplexed. They had come close to the other bank, and were able to touch the river bottom again. Jim widened his steps to quickly come up to walk at Spock’s side, frigid water splashing around his chest and then stomach as he did so. He wrapped his arms around himself and tried to rub life back into his upper arms while Spock continued marching on as though the thermodynamics defying river didn’t exist. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Just before they had fully climbed out of the water, Spock replied, “Fascinating. That leaves a wide swath of ecological niches unfilled.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Well, we certainly have our work cut out for us on this survey,” Jim quipped.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Indeed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Jim and Spock paused, both dripping and Spock swaying slightly, and took in the structures further up the hill they were at the bottom of. The ruins were naturally the primary peculiarity to solve. From the closer vantage point, it was clear that the ruins were constructed out of stone pillars and bright metal. There were seven rectangular buildings arranged in a circle, though one had almost entirely collapsed save for one metallic wall which wilted like a dying flower. Judging by the amount of material laying in between each building, and the large empty doorways on each relatively intact building, they had once been connected to each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Jim was eager to get to hilltop posthaste, but he couldn’t help but notice that his XO was already becoming visibly worn and he was reminded to keep his restlessness in check for both their sakes. Instead of going with his impulse to jog up the steep hill, he clicked his heels together and offered Spock his arm as dramatically as a proper Victorian gentleman would.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Shall we?” He asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     With a slight shaking of his head, Spock answered, “Yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     They linked arms before beginning the walk up the hill, which quickly turned out to be a wise decision as Spock tripped a few times as he struggled to keep balance on the steep incline. As for Jim, his thighs thoroughly ached long before they reached the ruins settled near the top, prompting him to mentally grumble as he recalled Bones telling him off for not exercising those very muscles. He nearly grumbled aloud when he realized that he would likely be climbing up and down the hill frequently, since the ruins were the best option for shelter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     That was a problem for future Jim though, for they were in front of the ruins, and he needed to assess which one was best to camp in. They were all approximately the size of a science lab, which was adequate space, but there were only two with no partially or fully collapsed walls. Jim poked his head through the doorway of one while Spock seemed to study one of the remaining stone pillars on the nearly decimated building. The roof of Jim’s ruin was lying on the ground, so he immediately checked the other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Its roof sank downward in one corner where a stone pillar had broken in half and left it unsupported. The resulting hole allowed light to shine in, illuminating a single large room filled with a carpet of fallen leaves scattered over alien equipment and terminals. Wires and vine-like plant life dripped from the ceiling. Jim examined the roof carefully from the doorway and decided it to be stable before he walked in and brushed leaves off the technology. Most of the terminals and computers had clearly been destroyed, some by elements and others appearing crushed, but he was startled to find a couple that were intact. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>     They were still of no use without power. Not to mention that he had no idea what problems the inner mechanisms might have developed. Curiously, there was very little rust on the tech or the walls. Given how much the ruins were, well...ruins, enough time had clearly passed for the metal to rust through. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     He scanned the nearest wall with the tricorder just as he heard Spock call out, “Captain. Could you come over here for a moment? There is something interesting about this exposed pillar.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Yep, I’ll be right there,” Jim responded, then checked his readings as he exited the ruin. The tricorder was unable to identify the entire alloy, though it did report that there was nitinol within it. That didn’t explain the resistance to rust, but it did give him an idea ro repair the roof if needed. Given that it was stable, he was more inclined to leave it for light and block off one of the doorways in order to block off wind and trap in heat. He approached Spock, who had a hand pressed to one pillar at the collapsed building. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Hearing his approach, Spock glanced at Jim before pointing at a deep seam in the stone with his free hand, “These ruins appear to have been constructed by setting the metal within these grooves. The pillars likely extend deep within the ground in order to provide a stronger foundation. The minimalist construction style combined with the materials used leads me to believe that these structures were built to last for a considerable time. Much of the damage we see has been done by time, but there are also signs of—oh,” He then paused in his explanation and leaned heavily against the pillar with his eyes closed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Spock!” Jim exclaimed as he rushed forward to help support him. The pillar seemed to be doing the job just fine, but Jim still gripped Spock’s upper arm with both hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     After a couple seconds, Spock said, “I am fine, Captain.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Bullshit,” Jim accused, “You nearly fainted.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “I did not. I am merely suffering a loss of equilibrium.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “You mean you’re dizzy?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “That is essentially what I said,” Spock agreed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Jim rolled his eyes, “Right. And you’re telling the truth? That was just a dizzy spell?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Vulcans do not—,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Don’t you dare tell me Vulcans don’t lie,” Jim interrupted sternly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Spock straightened and looked at Jim directly as he amended, “I am not concealing anything from you, Captain.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Jim nodded, “Good. In that case, you were saying?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “There are signs of deliberate destruction, perhaps a battle,” Spock claimed, then gestured around the side of the pillar to draw Jim’s attention to the slash marks in its face. It looked as though someone had taken a sword to it repeatedly in an attempt to destroy it. Most of the scars were smoothed out with age, but others looked disturbingly newer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Jim prodded at one of the newer scratches, “These weren’t all made at the same time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “No, they weren’t,” Spock said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “How long ago would you say this building collapsed?” Jim asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “I do not know,” Spock admitted, “There is far too little rusting in the metal to match the other signs of decay. These materials are not acting as we would expect. However, the most recent marks in this stone are still quite old, I suspect. Has the tricorder given you any information?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Jim shook his head, “Not really. It can’t identify the metal, though it did pick up nitinol. Also, I discovered some intact technology in the ruin that still has its roof. Made from the same metal alloy as the walls. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Fascinating.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Yeah,” Jim agreed absently. He looked over his shoulder at the ruin in question, “We should take shelter in that one. Let’s get settled in.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Spock pushed away from the pillar, “Very well.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>    Jim deliberately walked right up against him, keeping a loose hold on Spock’s shoulder with one hand. He had no problems walking the short distance, however, and they entered their new shelter together without event. Still wary, Jim refused to let Spock help with covering one of the two doorways. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>     He asked Spock to rest before grabbing one of the smaller sheets of metal from the collapsed ruin off the ground. When he dragged it over to press it against the closer opening, Jim was disgruntled but unsurprised to see Spock not listening to him and examining one of the intact, dead terminals. He huffed and gave him a pointed glare, which was ignored, before Jim hefted the sheet into place.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Just so you know; if you fall over, I’m not gonna feel sorry for you in the slightest,” Jim promised.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “That is wise of you, sir. Pity is illogical,” Spock approved. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Jim wrinkled his nose, then walked a few steps away and considered the section of stone pillar lying on the ground by the hole in the shelter. He shoved at it with his foot, and it didn’t budge. If he could move it up against the doorway, it would weigh enough to pin the metal sheet in place. Jim squatted down, wrapped his arms around the stone, and struggled to pick it up. He cursed and muttered, ending up stuck with it only a couple inches off the ground.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Captain?” Spock’s voice called from inside.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “I’m fine,” Jim grunted, managing to hoist the pillar just a bit higher, his arms shaking with effort. Spock appeared a few moments later, clearly not believing Jim, just in time to see him drop the pillar. It thunked loudly, causing the panel loosely pressed to the doorway to shudder. Without a word, Spock walked over to the downed pillar. He slowly reached down, nearly overbalancing in the process, but was able to lift it with ease. “Right,” Jim muttered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Were you intending to prop this against the metal sheet?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Spock nodded and gently placed the stone where it needed to be. He had bent over to do so, and when he attempted to straighten back out, he moved back too far and lost balance. Spock’s arms flailed outward, accomplishing nothing, and he fell flat on his back. Jim shot up and knelt again by Spock’s side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Shit,” Jim said, “Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “I am injured to the same extent as before,” Spock replied without moving.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “So you’re okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Yes, Captain.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Jim nodded with the confirmation, then immediately burst out laughing, “God, you look like you’re drunk! I warned you I wouldn’t feel sorry for you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “It would seem that I overestimated your capacity for logic,” Spock sassed at him, then began trying to get off the ground. Still giggling, Jim assisted him up and back into the shelter. He coaxed Spock to sit on a clearer spot of the floor.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Rest this time,” Jim insisted, “I’m going to go catch some fish, gather wood, and fetch water if I can find something to put it in. I can just shoot the fish with a phaser so I shouldn’t need more than, say, half an hour. I’ll stay on the near side of the river. Does that sound reasonable?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Spock clearly considered the question for a while, before deciding, “We do need to acquire some form of sustenance, and I do not believe I am able to aid you with that at this time. Therefore, I should remain here. You are not currently overexerting yourself, but I will comm you after thirty minutes have passed and request that you return if you have not already done so.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “That’s fair,” Jim replied, “Thanks.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “As for a container,” Spock continued, “I noticed a small panel of metal in the collapsed ruin which was dented in a manner that resembled a bowl. You may be able to use it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Jim stood as he tugged at the collar of his ruined shirt, “Alright, sounds good. I’ll be back soon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Half an hour, Captain,” Spock reminded Jim as he walked out of the shelter. He quickly discovered the panel Spock had mentioned and examined it. It appeared to have had something bashed into it, forming a large dip. It would hold about half a liter as it was, but if the nitinol allowed it to behave as Jim suspected it could, he could smooth out its shape and maximize its use.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     He laid the panel back on the ground, then searched the nearby forest for a long stick. He gathered firewood while he was at it, and returned with both tasks completed. Taking the walking stick in hand, Jim returned to the dented panel and took it down to the river before setting it down again. He pulled out his phaser, weighed the panel down on one end using a rock, and shot at the other end on a low setting. Once he saw the metal beginning to move, he stopped firing. The dent was repairing itself, the panel beginning to flatten out, but when he pressed on it with the stick, he was able to shape the metal. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>     When Jim had finished, he used the stick to flick the rock off and shove the bowl into the river. It cooled quickly, and Jim fished out the lumpy but still much more practical bowl. It would hold nearly a full liter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Fishing was a simple matter. The tricorder told him when a fish passed by, and he would fire at it. He nabbed two roughly the size of his hand and caught a few crabs using the same method. He removed his shirt entirely, washed it as best he could in the river, and tied it off into a very ugly bag he could toss the seafood into. Then, with a bit of searching, Jim discovered a few tubers and a bush with white raindrop shaped berries, both edible according to the tricorder. He gathered the plants into the bowl, washed them in the river, filled the bowl with water on top of the plants, and managed to carry everything back up the hill in one trip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     When he entered the shelter, he found Spock sleeping again, so he built a fire as quietly as he could just outside the doorway. Soon after he had started, however, he heard Spock shift as he woke. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Jim grinned at him as their eyes met, then Spock announced, “It has been thirty minutes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Ah,” Jim replied, amused, “Well, I came back.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Clearly,” Spock said before laying back down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Jim assumed Spock had fallen back asleep instantly, an ability which he envied, and he remained quiet as he started a fire to cook the food. He prepped the fish as best he could, which admittedly wasn’t very well given the lack of a knife. Then he speared the fish, crab, and tubers on sticks and roasted them over the fire. Unfortunately, he had to let part of the fish burn to cook it all the way through. The meal wouldn’t be anything fantastic, but it would do them both good, especially since they’d missed a meal and Spock had been sick. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>     With a jolt, Jim remembered that vegetarians often couldn’t just start eating meat. He was suddenly very concerned that Spock wouldn’t be able to eat the fish or crab, though surely he would’ve said something if it were a problem. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Hey, Spock,” he called softly, and waited for Spock to be fully aware before continuing, “I have food ready here, but I just realized...can you eat the meat without getting ill?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Spock sat up and answered cautiously, “Yes. Though I am not looking forward to the prospect of consuming flesh.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Jim grimaced, “Sorry. I did gather these potato-things and some berries, but you are going to need the nutrients from meat and fish until we can be rescued. If it helps, it’s pretty much guaranteed to taste gross like this, so you probably won’t like it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “I suppose that could be considered consolation,” Spock remarked, but he was looking faintly disgusted when Jim handed him a fish on a stick, “Is one meant to consume the entire thing?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Uh, no.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Explaining how to eat fish was a process, especially since Jim hadn’t been able to remove everything inedible and the only thing Spock intuitively knew wasn’t eaten were the bones and head. That, however, was nothing compared to the crabs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “You crack them apart with your hands?” Spock asked, barely bothering to hide his disgust at all by that point. Jim supposed that expressing dismay towards ‘consuming animal flesh’ as Spock put it would be the sort of thing allowed by Vulcan standards. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Yep.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Is it entirely necessary to rip it apart at every joint?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Jim cracked open the body of a crab he’d already divested of its limbs, “If you want to get at all of it, yes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “With our hands?” Spock repeated. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “You’re really hung up about that, huh?” Jim observed, “But yes, even if there were forks down here, we’d have to use our hands to eat crab. I could do yours for you, if you want?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Spock replied instantly with a harsh, “No.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Jim held his hands up in mock surrender, “Alright, just thought I’d offer.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Their diet didn’t change much over the next two days. Jim agreed not to stray too far from the shelter since he would be out there on his own, and the river was a reliable source of food. He was able to find more clusters of tubers within the area, but the one berry bush he’d discovered was running low on ripe fruit. He and Spock planted some of the tubers next to their shelter, though Jim hoped they wouldn’t be stranded long enough to harvest them. At the very least, tending to the makeshift garden was a task Spock could take care of while still concussed. Jim was surprised to note that he clearly knew what he was doing with it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>     They took full stock of the ruins. Spock’s theory of a battle held further weight as they discovered multiple slashes, tears, and sporadic stab marks in the stone and remaining equipment. There was curiously nothing resembling phaser marks and there were no bodies. They were also unable to find anything resembling tools the aliens once living there may have used, or personal belongings. It seemed that, whoever had been there, they had successfully evacuated and left their structures abandoned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>     The tricorder revealed to them a massive hatch in the ground within the center of the circle the ruins made, which had been covered over in topsoil. They could not see what was inside, but the readings indicated an elaborate underground area. Without access to power, it would be impossible to open, but Jim decided to excavate it anyway. It was slow progress. Spock spent his free time attempting to repair the powerless terminals, another slow task which he did by hand, and he was forced to rest frequently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>     The sun had not set in all that time, but after Jim and Spock had spent roughly two and a half days on Rudarbith II, sundown was nearing. Jim, expecting night to last as long as the day, attempted to acquire enough food to last them through it since it would be best to keep excursions minimal. He spent considerable time catching enough fish and crab from the river, and had Spock help him with smoking the meat. By the time the sun had hit the horizon, Jim was satisfied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     He was sat cross legged on the ground in front of the shelter. He faced downhill and could see out across the river to the sunset. The sky began to match the forest below, a blend of reds and pinks, only offset by the tiny turquoise ferns carpeting the ground, only visible in his vicinity. If not for the line of light and the still half visible star, Jim would find it difficult to distinguish the barrier between planet and space. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Jim heard the sound of footsteps approaching him, and then Spock was kneeling next to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “Why do humans watch sunsets?” he asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Jim gestured out to it, “Well, they’re beautiful.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “And this is reason enough to stare at them?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     “For humans, yes,” Jim answered, then turned his head to see Spock watching him, “We’re easily captivated by beautiful things.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>     Spock blinked, tilted his head, then tore his gaze away from Jim to look at the horizon. They simply sat together, quietly, as the last hint of sunlight slipped away into the night.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Light discussion of PTSD<br/>Injury(previously established)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Garphic depictions of violence, dissociation, vague discussion of Tarsus IV</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     Rudarbith II had no moons. With nothing to reflect the light of the nearby star, Spock expected that a night on Rudarbith II would be exceedingly dark. He decided to join his captain in staring at the sunset because Jim would not be able to see well afterwards. Calculating exact probabilities was still beyond his capability, but Spock was still reasonably certain that it would be easier to guide Jim back than dissuade him from staying out after dark. <br/>     Absently, he wondered if Jim was cold. He had taken his torn shirt off within the first day and had been half naked since then. The temperature had begun to drop with the sun, and Spock suspected that it would drop much further through the long night. In preparation a few hours beforehand, he’d gathered enough stones to build a suitable mound in the middle of their shelter. They would have the option of phasering them for heat rather than relying on their supply of firewood. <br/>     He was still concerned over Jim’s lack of a shirt, of course. Not only because of the issue of retaining heat, but also because Spock was forced to notice how frequently he tried to touch Jim. With all the skin of his torso and arms uncovered, there was nowhere Spock could put his hands without skin contact. Given that he hadn’t had enough focus to meditate in days, another byproduct of being moderately concussed, Spock’s shields had collapsed while he was gathering stones. Jim was human and had no shields to speak of. He would hear Jim’s surface thoughts, as well as project his own, uncontrolled, should they touch. That was not acceptable. <br/>     As the sun moved out of sight, he realized he had no idea how he was going to guide Jim to the shelter without touching him. Frustration built within him as he added another instance of not following a thought to its obvious conclusion to his running tally of the past couple ‘days.’ Not that he could remember the total number, but he knew it was too many. Spock set the frustration aside. Unfortunately, emotional control was also regulated via meditation, and it was steadily becoming more difficult for him to maintain it.<br/>     Spock’s head pounded, the everpresent migraine increasing in magnitude to the extent that everything was developing a halo of light around it, even in near total darkness.</p>
<p>     Or at least, so he thought, until Jim whispered reverently, “Wow. Are you seeing this, Mr. Spock?” He pulled the tricorder out and began running scans.</p>
<p>     “It would seem that the plants are bioluminescent,” Spock observed, running his fingers through the tall grass. The pale blue glow of the fern-grass and foliage was soft at first, but grew rapidly until their surroundings were dimly lit. Everything was bathed in a uniform shade of blue. </p>
<p>     “They’re releasing their excess energy,” Jim announced, and judging from his tone, he was smiling widely. Spock looked to him, saw his assumption was correct. The captain was clearly enthralled, easily captivated by the aesthetics of the plants, as he had claimed was human nature. The low light levels left stark shadows across the planes of his face. It was a strange effect.</p>
<p>     “Would it not be more efficient to store the energy?” Spock commented.</p>
<p>     Jim chuckled, “Well Mr. Spock, evolution isn’t always logical, as I’m sure you know. Just look at our own bodies. Spines and knees and teeth not made to last. You’ve got to admit that the days here are long, long enough to provide quite a bit more energy than most plants evolve to deal with. Sure, finding a way to store that would be more efficient, but this apparently works just fine. I’m certainly not gonna complain.”</p>
<p>     Spock nodded, considerate, “The light source is beneficial to us. It will be easier to be productive through the night cycle.”</p>
<p>     “Let’s forget about productivity for now,” Jim suggested as he put the tricorder back at his hip, “We’ve both been running around trying to be prepared for tonight.”</p>
<p>    “Captain, I did not run anywhere. I would still find much difficulty with such a task in my current state,” Spock pointed out.</p>
<p>     Jim barked a laugh, then leaned towards and smirked at him, “Right. Well, my point is that we worked hard in preparation to hole ourselves up in that tin box. Now that we don’t have to and we’re ahead on surviving, why don’t we just relax here for a while?”</p>
<p>     “If that is what you wish, sir.”</p>
<p>     Jim hummed, taking that as acquiescence, and splayed his hands out on the ground slightly behind himself. With his weight resting on his arms, his legs crossed, and a grin planted firmly on his face; he was clearly content. Spock could admit that he preferred moments like this, where his captain was able to let go of his worries and anxieties. The moments where Jim was happy. He figured that was a logical preference; after all, humans required some measure of happiness to function optimally. Jim was his captain and he was Jim’s first officer, so of course Spock could concern himself with the man’s wellbeing. <br/>     He watched Jim bask for several minutes under star and plant light, each rustle of wind throwing shadows like ripples in a wave. Eventually, Jim looked down at one of his hands, ran it back and forth through the soft fern-grass. He ripped a fistful out of the dirt, then reached over and dropped it over Spock’s head. The glow of the strands was dying by the time they fluttered around him. He responded to the action with a stoic raised eyebrow. Jim repeated the action twice, a third time, and kept going.</p>
<p>     “I got bored,” he whispered with a wink, dumping another clump of grass in Spock’s hair. </p>
<p>     “Perhaps conversation would be better suited to alleviate that,” Spock suggested, brushing the plants off his head only for Jim to drop another handful, “as well as more reasonable.”</p>
<p>     “Fine, I’ll stop. Hm. What was your last disagreement with Bones about?” Jim asked.</p>
<p>     Spock tilted his head, “As I recall, he took issue with the fact that I did not care for his cornbread, which was illogical given that he had insisted I tell him my honest opinion. Why do you ask?”</p>
<p>     “I miss Bones,” Jim admitted freely, “and life feels strangely incomplete without the sound of you two bitching at each other. I’ve definitely noticed that I’m missing something, you know?”</p>
<p>     Brushing strands of grass off his shoulders, Spock said, “No, I don’t know. I am not experiencing the same sensation regarding the doctor.”</p>
<p>     Jim laughed heartily, “Maybe don’t tell him that when we get back.” </p>
<p>     “Noted.”</p>
<p>     “Is there anything you’d end up missing if we were stuck down here too long?” Jim asked.</p>
<p>     Spock considered the question for a while, giving a weight to it, before answering, simply, “No.”</p>
<p>     “Because missing something or someone is an emotional state?”</p>
<p>     “Mainly, yes,” Spock nodded slightly, “but I could choose to say I prefer having access to the labs on the Enterprise for example, which is logical. That is, however, trivial, and I’m aware that is not the sense you are asking about. I do not have need to control any urge to miss someone because there is no one to miss.”</p>
<p>     Jim tilted his head back, looked to the stars, “The crew would miss you; probably do already.”</p>
<p>     “An interesting assumption.”</p>
<p>     “I mean it,” Jim insisted, “They like you more than you think, especially the bridge crew and your scientists. While I’ve seen plenty of vitriol directed at you, which incites me by the way, I think you may be your own harshest critic.”</p>
<p>     “The same could be said of you, Captain,” Spock replied.</p>
<p>     Jim hummed. He resumed tearing at the grass, thankfully letting it drift on the breeze rather than dumping it over Spock, then eventually asked, “Ah, I just thought of a traditional question to ask in this situation; what’s the first thing you’re gonna eat when we get back?”</p>
<p>     Instead of answering that seriously, Spock opted for dryly saying, “Not fish.”</p>
<p>     Jim snorted lightly, “I kinda figured. Bones will probably have us on some diet to get reacclimated to real food if we get stuck out here too long, but I already crave ice cream.”</p>
<p>     “Is that your favorite dessert?”</p>
<p>     “No.”</p>
<p>     Spock allowed one corner of his mouth to quirk up, “Then why do you want it?”</p>
<p>    “Because I can’t have it,” Jim grumbled. Spock acquiesced to Jim’s illogic and refrained from pointing out that they didn’t have access to the vast majority of food options typically available to them and that ice cream was hardly special in that regard.</p>
<p>     Jim rolled backward slowly until he was laid flat with his limbs stretching out languidly. The shadows fled from the crevices of his face and body as all of his exposed skin was illuminated. Jim stared up at the stars as he said, “I’m glad to be here with you, Spock.”</p>
<p>     Spock was taken aback and took a few seconds to respond, “Why is that?”</p>
<p>     “Don’t get me wrong,” Jim clarified, “I would absolutely rather not be here and it’s terrible that you’re a part of it too. But as it is, I’m glad I’m not alone down here and of all the people I could be with, I’m thankful that it’s you.” Jim still wasn’t looking at him directly, but Spock noted that Jim’s face was unusually blank. </p>
<p>     “Captain, I am still unsure as to why? I cannot offer you the full extent of my capabilities due to our circumstances. My skills are not particularly useful to you at this time compared to what other officers could offer you,” Spock explained.</p>
<p>     “Again, harshest critic,” Jim admonished, “Honestly you’ve taken on more than I expected and I hope that isn’t slowing your recovery. Also, I suspect that if anyone else from the Enterprise got beaned in the head as hard as you did, they wouldn’t survive. Your usefulness isn’t what I’m trying to compliment anyway. It’s an emotional sentiment, hard to explain.”</p>
<p>     “I see.”</p>
<p>     Then Spock heard the sound of a branch snapping in the forest, shortly followed by a small flurry of birds taking off unseen into the night, calling out in alarm. He turned towards the source of the noise, beyond the captain, who had not reacted. It had been far enough away that he apparently couldn’t hear it over the wind. </p>
<p>     Spock cocked his head to aid the focus of his hearing, “Captain, I believe I just heard animal activity from the forest.”</p>
<p>     “You mean aside from just birds?”</p>
<p>     “Possibly.”</p>
<p>     Jim sat up and grabbed at the tricorder, “Alright, let me—”</p>
<p>     “Jim!” Spock shouted and scrambled to draw his phaser and stand. He’d noticed that some of the shadows were not moving naturally, that there were several somethings there. Jim whirled around and was able to jump to his feet more quickly. He pointed his phaser vaguely into the trees, but clearly couldn’t see what Spock did. Once Spock had himself straightened, he aimed his phaser at one of the unnaturally shifting shadows. <br/>     At that moment, Jim chanced a questioning glance back at Spock, but his gaze slipped to focus on something behind him. Jim’s eyes widened in alarm and fear, there was the hissing shriek of a predator, and a shifting of air indicating that it had pounced. Jim fired. There was a thump. Chaos erupted as an entire pack of creatures lunged into view on both sides of the pair. They were flanked. </p>
<p>     “Set phasers to kill! Get to the shelter!” Jim ordered, he and Spock firing at the slinking blurs already gaining on them as they turned and ran. The distance wasn’t far, but Spock tripped and collapsed to the ground before they were halfway there. He braced himself with his hands, but still his head smacked into the dirt and he was stunned.<br/>     He saw Jim stop and rush to him, and he wanted to tell him to keep going, but could not speak. Jim stood his ground and continuously fired while trying to use one arm to lift Spock up and drag him. One of the creatures broke through, pouncing on Jim and tumbling off with him, leaving Spock to slump back to the ground. He sluggishly propped himself up on one arm and fired at the six-legged thing wrestling Jim. Thankfully, his aim was true.<br/>     Just as Jim’s assailant went limp on top of him, Spock was struck by the full weight of another creature. He twisted about and grabbed at its throat with his free hand, keeping it from sinking rows of needle-like teeth into him. It had huge, round eyes, entirely a sickly shade of yellow which reflected Spock’s own face back at him. It gnashed and screeched, and with his entire palm and fingertips pressed into smooth unyielding chitin, he tasted the sting of its feral madness and hunger. The limited telepathic contact harshly burned both of them, but the creature merely became more enraged.<br/>     It wrapped its middle pair of legs around Spock’s torso, pulling him flush against its body, and raised one front leg. Spock saw that the leg ended in a wicked sharp tip and concluded it was prepared to stab him. He dug his phaser into the thing’s side and fired before it could hurt him. It rolled off, and he fired at the remainder of the pack as he began to scramble back. <br/>     A pair of hands grabbed him under his arms and began lifting him. He kept from flinching even though it took his mind a second to register that it was Jim behind him. Spock tried to keep his feet under him, but he had not fully shaken off his previous fall and could not get his legs to fully obey. Jim half-dragged him the last few feet into the shelter, where they at least had partial cover. Spock propped himself against the wall by the doorway, Jim shifted to the other side of it, and they both resumed firing from their positions inside the shelter. <br/>     They had nearly taken every assailant out when a resounding thump rang out behind them. One of the creatures had squeezed through the collapsed corner of the roof. It sprang as Jim fired at it, and it slid to a stop amidst a clatter as its body flipped their bowl of water over. A few more shots from the doorway, and the battle was done. They were both panting from the sudden exertion.<br/> <br/>     Jim frantically yanked the tricorder off himself, already scanning the area before handing the device to Spock, “Tell me if you see more.” </p>
<p>     Spock checked the screen and saw they were relatively safe for the moment. No further dangerous creatures appeared within range. His vision wavered, dancing with vertigo and sparks popping in front of his eyes, but he maintained focus on the screen. He was too preoccupied to notice what Jim was doing until he heard the sound of metal being dragged. Spock looked up and blinked, only realizing then that Jim had left the shelter. Still somewhat unsteady, but able to walk again, he staggered out after Jim to see that he was in fact dragging a sheet of metal towards the shelter. It was large, but crumpled, and would fit through the doorway. </p>
<p>     Jim glanced up and saw Spock watching him, swaying in place with the tricorder still held in front of him. He grimaced before asking, “Do you think you could pick up one of the stone chunks lying on the ground? A heavy one, we need to weigh this down.”</p>
<p>     “Yes,” Spock claimed, but he knew his voice came out weak and Jim didn’t believe him. He said nothing though, overtaken by urgency. Spock checked the tricorder, saw no threats, and visually scanned his immediate surroundings for the nearest suitable section of stone. He selected one and crouched by it, then gave himself a moment before attempting to pick it up.<br/>     He succeeded, though it was a near thing as he wobbled and almost fell again, but it didn’t matter. He did not fall. Spock carried the stone inside the shelter as Jim propped the crumpled metal sheet against the doorway from the inside. It didn’t span the entire length and there was easily room for Spock to enter. He bent over to lay the stone down just a meter inside the shelter and didn’t bother to stand again, instead slipping gracelessly to sit by the stone.</p>
<p>     “Thanks,” Jim told him, smiling softly, “Just rest now; I’ll be with you in a moment.”</p>
<p>     He took the tricorder back from Spock and briefly scanned the dead creature on the ground before dragging it outside. All six of its limbs ended in sharp points, so Jim wrapped his arms around the torso segment of its roughly humanoid body. He returned shortly afterward and promptly shot the metal sheet with his phaser. It began opening up and flattening out as its surface heated, blooming like a flower. When Jim had finished firing, it had unfolded into one flat sheet which spanned the entire doorway, plunging them into near total darkness. <br/>     Jim then fired at the rock pile Spock had built in the middle of the floor, providing a meager source of light and heat. Spock took it upon himself to shove the chunk of stone until it pinned the sheet, causing Jim to give a sound of protest, but he had finished the task before Jim could do anything about it. This earned him a pointed glare. <br/>     Turning to the exposed corner, Jim fired until it began unfurling. He then picked up the walking stick he’d brought back on the first day and pressed it into the metal until it flattened against the remaining stone. The room darkened a bit further, and he pinned the metal until it ceased trying to move when he removed pressure. With a worn sigh, Jim plopped down beside Spock. </p>
<p>     “Those were some predators,” Jim commented with a flat voice. Spock could see several shallow scratches across Jim’s chest and stomach. They had nothing to clean them with.</p>
<p>     “They are intelligent,” Spock remarked, “They employed tactics in hunting us. If they are strictly nocturnal, they tracked us down remarkably fast as well.”</p>
<p>     “Yeah.”</p>
<p>     “They are also vaguely humanoid,” Spock pointed out.</p>
<p>     Jim stared into the glowing rocks, “Do you think they’re sentient?”</p>
<p>     “They are, though there’s something I can only describe as off about it. I sensed it in the one which was on top of me. However, their behavior alone, violent as they were, indicated a possible sentience. Why did you order to kill?”</p>
<p>     “I stunned the first one. You didn’t see, but it was getting up again immediately after it took the hit. We would’ve gotten ourselves killed if we’d tried to stun them.”</p>
<p>     Spock understood, knew it was a good call for their survival, though he didn’t think it was the one he would have made, “I see.”</p>
<p>     Jim turned and checked him over, and his mouth firmed as he stared at Spock’s left temple. He began to reach out, telling Spock, “You’re bleeding again.”</p>
<p>     Jim’s hand brushed against Spock’s forehead and down his face, attempting to swipe away blood, before Spock could register that Jim was going to touch him. He felt Jim’s weariness compound his own, as well as a cocktail of emotions like concern, worry, and an overwhelming dread. Jim’s thoughts were abstract and seemed to flick between the present and a persistent memory which Spock thankfully could not view via skin contact alone.<br/>     They both gasped and flinched hard a split second later when a bright, burning pain spread in the wake of Jim’s fingertips. He snatched his hand away while Spock pressed a palm to his face. The pain was telepathic, and as such completely impossible to suppress, so he ended up bent over with his eyes squeezed shut as he grimaced. It faded quickly, but not before Jim called his name urgently twice. Spock held out his other hand as a sign to wait, then sat up to catch his breath as his face relaxed into calm. </p>
<p>     Even with his eyes closed, Spock could tell Jim was hovering over him, confirmed when his voice came from inches away, “What happened?”</p>
<p>     “I cannot meditate while concussed,” Spock explained between breaths, “My shields collapsed hours ago and you naturally have no shields either. My touch telepathy is hypersensitive and painful to use at the moment.”</p>
<p>     “Painful is a bit of an understatement, Spock. I felt that, for just a second; it was awful. Why didn’t you say something earlier?” Jim asked desperately, “I would’ve avoided hurting you like that.”<br/>     Spock didn’t have a reply. Instead of speaking, he rubbed at his eyes, trying to alleviate some of the ever present aching in his head. It helped slightly, so he opened his eyes narrowly, seeing approximately nothing in the low light. He heard Jim sigh.</p>
<p>     “Why don’t you lay down?” Jim suggested.</p>
<p>     “I should, yes,” Spock agreed.</p>
<p>     “Is it okay to touch you through your clothes?”</p>
<p>     Spock looked toward Jim hesitantly, “Yes?”</p>
<p>     Jim nodded, and he seemed to have reached some sort of decision, “Alright. Come here.” He grabbed one of Spock’s shoulders and tugged at him until he obligingly moved, allowing Jim to coax him down until his head was laying on Jim’s lap.</p>
<p>     “Sir?” Spock questioned as he squinted up at Jim’s face.</p>
<p>     “I figured that laying on the floor with nothing underneath you was uncomfortable,” he reasoned.</p>
<p>     “That is true, though this is still unnecessary,” Spock protested.</p>
<p>     Jim smirked at him, “Move then.”</p>
<p>     Spock found no logic in that when they were already positioned as they were while he had so little energy to spare. It would be a moot point of pride to move. He said nothing about this conclusion, though Jim preened as it became clear that Spock wasn’t going anywhere. They both began to wind down from the intensity of battle, neither talking nor sleeping. Spock heard the tricorder whine from time to time as Jim persistently checked the area for another pack of assailants. Aside from that, two hours wasted away without event. <br/>     Jim’s face had slipped into a perfectly blank state, in a way it wasn’t meant to. It was actually quite similar to the Vulcan ideal, and as such Spock should have found it appealing, yet it seemed eerie, disturbing. He couldn’t shake the thought that there was something wrong occurring in Jim’s mind. When he wasn’t scanning with the tricorder, he stared into the rock pile, looking as cold and distant as it was possible for the man to be. There was no sign that anything was wrong, that Jim was suffering somehow, but the wrongness about him steadily remained and Spock wasn’t sure what to do about it. It kept him alert and watchful. Jim never noticed him staring.<br/>     A small but sudden intake of breath, the first emote Spock had observed over the hours, told him that Jim had seen something on the latest scan result.</p>
<p>     “Are we about to test the integrity of our shelter?” Spock asked before Jim could say anything.</p>
<p>     Jim sharply tilted his head down to look at him, the movement giving Spock the impression of a bird, and seemed faintly puzzled to see him awake, “Yes, I think so.” His voice was flat too. Spock frowned ever so slightly, but still hadn’t figured out what he wanted to say about Jim’s stillness, so he sat up slowly and drew his phaser as a precaution. Jim shuffled behind him until they were knelt back to back, Spock guarding the doorway while Jim watched the precariously repaired roof. The sentient creatures descended upon the walls of their ruin minutes later, the metal screeching as they sliced at it. Periodically, the sheet blocking the doorway would ring and shudder, presumably when one of the assailants threw themselves against it. <br/>     The assault, disturbing as it was, proved ineffective; the walls held. The ringing, slashing, and banging gradually lost steam and faded to nothing, at which point Jim scanned the area and confirmed that their hunters had slunk away. Jim was still disconcertingly even less emotive than Spock typically was, which left him certain that Jim was not okay, and he needed to say something even though he had no idea how to address the issue. </p>
<p>     “Captain?” Spock turned and called softly.</p>
<p>     Jim wasn’t facing him, already standing and checking the repaired roof for new damage, “Yes?”</p>
<p>     “Are you...feeling alright?” He asked even as he knew how strange it was of him to do so.</p>
<p>     “Yes, why?” Jim replied instantly.</p>
<p>     Spock quirked an eyebrow and crossed his arms as he shifted to face Jim fully, attempting to use movement to cover the fact that he was a bit stumped to describe the issue. He shook his head slightly and settled for stating bluntly, “You do not seem to be emoting, sir.”</p>
<p>     Jim shot him with the flick of a sharp gaze, “I wouldn’t think you’d see that as a problem.”</p>
<p>     “You are aware of it then?” </p>
<p>     “Yes,” Jim admitted, “It’s fine, I’m just not feeling anything in particular right now.”</p>
<p>     Spock got the sense that Jim was being stubborn, so he decided to keep prodding even as his body requested that he let it go and properly rest, “That is quite unusual for you, especially in this situation. Do you know what could be causing this lack?”</p>
<p>     A fleeting spark of irritation crossed Jim’s face, “You know, of all the things you could possibly fixate on, I didn’t expect you to zone in on this. Hell, I thought it might be a welcome change.”</p>
<p>     “Sir?”</p>
<p>     “You prefer muted levels of expression, do you not?” Jim asked, “I assume you must find me taxing from time to time. Too much heightened energy and all. It should be draining for you to be around me, just as a natural law, regardless of whatever regard you may have developed.”</p>
<p>     “You are projecting flawed assumptions as well as deflecting,” Spock accused.</p>
<p>     “Maybe that’s because I don’t want to talk about feelings,” Jim bit back.</p>
<p>     “Neither do I,” Spock admitted, “But we are. You are unwell.”</p>
<p>     Jim’s irritation failed, as though he couldn’t hold on to it, “You’re unwell, Mr. Spock.”</p>
<p>     Spock held back a sigh, “Yes. I simply need rest, which we are forced to accomplish at the moment anyhow. As such, you need not concern yourself with me. You need to tell me what problem you are facing. I insist upon it.”</p>
<p>     Jim stayed silent a while, still wouldn’t meet his eyes, but Spock was patient. Eventually, Jim admitted, “It’s called dissociation. It’s a response that can happen when the human mind subconsciously decides it can’t handle its emotions, so it shuts them off for protection. Even so, the lack doesn’t feel all that great, and it isn’t healthy. There’s many detriments.”</p>
<p>     Spock stared down at his hands. He hadn’t been aware humans could achieve such a state, nor would he have expected such a state to be so intrinsically harmful to them, “There is something which seems unnatural about it. What is the cause of this dissociative state?”</p>
<p>     “We’re trapped alone in the wilds of an alien planet, most of my men have died, we’re trying to grow and stockpile food but we’re still at risk of starvation, and now we’re under constant threat of vicious attack. This situation has officially come too close to memories I’d rather not think about. I can’t take my mind off it. I can’t keep my mind here, in the present.”</p>
<p>     “I grieve with thee,” Spock told him, for he knew Jim had much to grieve for, and that burden should be shared. He would have offered to aid Jim in grounding himself, but exhaustion was creeping deeper into his nerves, its demands ever increasing. He wasn’t sure how long he could mail gain conversation, “Perhaps...perhaps we should both sleep, Jim. You may feel better once you have rested.”</p>
<p>     Resisting, Jim shook his head, “One of us needs to keep watch.”</p>
<p>     “I don’t believe either of us are fit for duty.”</p>
<p>     “No,” Jim agreed.</p>
<p>     “Then it follows that neither of us are fit to keep watch. The shelter will hold, though even should it fail, we will be woken by any attack beforehand. Our situation is perilous, but a benefit to that is you are unlikely to dream. Your mind will wait until it is safe,” Spock claimed.</p>
<p>     Jim’s eyes closed, “Arguing with you is obnoxious, did you know that?”</p>
<p>     Spock cocked an eyebrow, “Yes. Doctor McCoy claims so frequently.” The comment earned him a small grin out of Jim. The corner of his own mouth ticked up. </p>
<p>     “Fine,” Jim acquiesced, beginning to lay down near the glowing rock pile, “Since resisting you when you’re in mother hen mode is futile and all, I’ll just give in now. Save myself the trouble.”</p>
<p>     Spock simply lowered himself to the ground where he was, “Mother hen mode?”</p>
<p>     “It’s a teasing expression that means you’re overbearing in your attempts to care for me, but you just can’t fight the instinct to do it,” Jim explained.</p>
<p>     “Barring instinct, which I do not succumb to, the rest is essentially part of my job description.”</p>
<p>     “Sure.”</p>
<p>     There were a few moments of silence and Spock was already falling into light sleep while Jim checked the tricorder for danger one last time. He watched his First Officer and noticed, even in dim red light, lines of tension and discomfort appearing on his face as he slipped into a between state where he relinquished control of his body but sleep had not yet slackened the muscles. Jim figured Spock’s pain was worse after he’d fallen hard and struck his head again, but there was nothing for it other than to hope no further damage had been done.</p>
<p>     Jim hesitated to disturb him, but a concern had come to mind, “Spock?”</p>
<p>     A second, two, then Spock answered, “Yes, Captain?”</p>
<p>     “If I do dream, you can try to wake me, but stay back and don’t touch me,” he requested.</p>
<p>     “Yes sir.”</p>
<p>     Jim nodded once, though Spock hadn’t looked at him, and finally committed himself to rest. The rocks continued to emit red light, bathing the pair in it on one side, but shadows far outnumbered the light’s presence.<br/>     There were no dreams.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So this chapter is the reason that graphic depictions of violence tag has been sitting there from the beginning. The beings Jim and Spock encountered here were from the novel I made Rudarbith for, though that story is a horror sci-fi while this is not intended to be horror. So the creatures were toned down. For now, I believe the fight scene here will be the most harrowing thing in the story.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Rudarbith II is actually a modified version of a fictitious planet I designed for an original sci-fi novel I titled Between States of Nothing. Many details didn’t pop up in this first chapter, but the main thing I have changed was the atmosphere. In the original work, Rudarbith had an orange sky due to the content of helium in the air, and this led to the planet having a higher density than Earth in order to retain atmosphere. Yes I calculated that. I am a nerd.</p>
<p>The air would be breathable in the short term, but would damage the lungs over time. This was useful for tension in the story, as the main character had his mask ripped off in a couple instances. A helium rich atmosphere is not, however, conducive to serious conversations between two characters. Also, Between States of Nothing was not a romance at all.</p>
<p>Rudarbith was also tidally locked with its star and only habitable in the twilight zone. Yes, that’s what it’s called scientifically. I changed it to a long day/night cycle for drama, which you shall see, and to make a potential search of the planet believably difficult.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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